True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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