John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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