Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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