So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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