oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
