he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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