i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
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arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
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I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
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