Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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