my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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