You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
