I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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