I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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