Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
