either way he was missing a nipple.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
