smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
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Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
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We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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