Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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