So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
