then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
My room smells like vodka and shame
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
