he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
