Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
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