I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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