from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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