Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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