We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
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While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
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I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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