People in love make me want to vomit
I want you more than these girls want KFC
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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