The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize