Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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