WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
