Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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