You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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