I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
