Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
