I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize