dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
