i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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