she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
