I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
