Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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