Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
