The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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