Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
