East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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