I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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