How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
