Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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