My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
