so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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