I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
