we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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