Plan B is the new Plan A
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
