Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
