my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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