i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
