Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
