and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize