we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
organizing the empties. That sober.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
