So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
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his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
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I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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