You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
