And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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