He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
