Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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