she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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