He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
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Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
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Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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