I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
