Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
