note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
