i think my tv is drunk
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
