I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
