I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
