Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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