Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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