we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
