I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
