so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
